Too sensitive?
The other day Boyfriend, Macaroni, and I were going for a short walk while on my lunch break and Macaroni said something that not only hurt my feelings but impacted my mood later that evening.
We were just in sight of the building when Macaroni said bye to me, I wasn’t completely sure of what he said so over my shoulder I asked, “What?” to which he replied, “Nothing.” I dismissed it with, “Someone is ready to get rid of me” to Boyfriend. A few moments passed when Macaroni said bye for the second time and I responded saying,”Not yet, Macaroni.” Finally we’re about to part ways and when Boyfriend and I were sharing our parting kiss Macaroni said bye for the third time. This third time really hit home for me and Boyfriend knew it. He yelled at Macaroni who was doing his best not to cry and we kissed goodbye. I kept thinking about how much Macaroni hurt my feelings and couldn’t help but wonder if it was intentional. It left me with a general feeling of being unwanted and I thought about how much I’ve done for Macaroni (taking care of him when his parents couldn’t so he didn’t have to go to an unfamiliar babysitter, making seperate meals for him at dinner, etc.) and how hard I try to be nice even when I don’t agree with his behavior. What I didn’t realize was that with all of these thoughts, resentment was building up and it showed later that night.
For dinner we all walked down the street to eat at our new favorite place (it has great specials when football is on) and when I stepped on a stick that got stuck to my shoe, Macaroni asked why I stepped on it. I said it wasn’t intentional and ended my answer calling him ‘genius’. He didn’t catch it and it was a really lame insult but Boyfriend noticed and later on when I said something equally as lame but still ill-intentioned, he asked if something was wrong. Macaroni missed all of this but I later felt terrible for acting that way, especially to a child.
Now, Boyfriend had a talk with Macaroni (at my request) about the way he acted after they dropped me off at work and Macaroni said that he did not have any problems living with me or me personally and that I am always nice. I’m still feeling repercussions from that day and doing my best to work through any negative feelings toward Macaroni including talking to Boyfriend about them but was wondering if anyone had any advice in how to deal with these issues. I’ve talked to him about buying parenting books and found a couple books online that seem like they will help. I’ve also considered talking to Macaroni about how he feels since his motivation could be jealousy, genuine dislike, or something else.
These are the books I’ve seen that look helpful for all of us:
The Not So Wicked Stepmother-Leslie Allgood Venable
7 Steps to Bonding with Your Stepchild-Suzen J. Ziegahn
Stepmonster: A New Look at Why Real Stepmothers Think, Feel, and Act the Way We Do-Wednesday Martin
**Some background**
Boyfriend and I have been dating for about 9 months. The three of us have been living together for about 2 and a half months. Macaroni is about to turn 6 mid-October. I’ve known Macaroni for about 5 months, his parents were seperated when he was born and divorced shortly after. Oh, and lastly I’ve heard the Love and Logic program is highly recommended; has anyone used this or have any comments on it?
Names
For privacy reasons I’m not going to list any names, just nicknames so I’ll list them out. I am Spartica, by boyfriend just came up with this nickname a couple days ago because I told him Sparticus was a mens name. Boyfriend, pretty self-explanitory, and lastly we have Macaroni Face (Macaroni for short), he loves macaroni and prefers it to the short-lived name I gave him, Stinky-face.
Macaroni is turning 6 the week before Halloween and seems to be pretty confused about his feelings toward me. He loves to “play guns” with the dart-tag Nerf guns I bought for him and my youngest brother who is 10. They are awesome and my boyfriend and I love playing with them too.
Tip: Wear the goggles. Boyfriend likes headshots and it hurts a lot more than you'd think.
Boyfriend is perfect for me. He is loving, considerate, but still (mostly) masculine. He loves rock climbing and soccer and spoils the sh#%! out of Macaroni Face and I. Just yesterday he bought me a wonderwoman T-shirt that was a little long because he knows I like my shirts that way. We’ve been together for about eight months and have been living together for about two.
I work in an almost entry-level position for a Fortune 500 company and am starting a Project Management Progessional (PMP) course tomorrow. I’m hoping passing the PMP certification exam will be the first of many steps to (financial/personal?) success. This blog is to help me journal my feelings (mostly confusion) and get advice on being a psuedo-stepmom and life in general. I can’t wait to read what everyone thinks.
